The new Tom Ford lipsticks will not give you an orgasm.

Shocking news, but it is important for people to know the truth. In spite of the scintillating campaign featuring Jon Kortajarena in what looks like a reprise of his ‘Single Man’ role as a slick hustler, the highway robbery $45 dollar price tag and Tom Ford’s unspoken yet implied desire to personally arouse your…interest, the lipsticks are just lipsticks. Brilliantly pigmented, incredibly moisturizing, lush lipsticks, presented in hard white casing that looks as though it could double as a blunt instrument fit for assault. Bright, attention grabbing colors that could (if the advertising is to be believed) look perfect smeared on the face of your handsome Spanish lover, as you indulge in night of passion so intense that you –

Tom Ford Private Blend Lip Color in Bruised Plum, Smoke Red & Pink Dusk

Wait. It is just lipstick. $45 dollar lipstick, in a white case that will end up scratched at the bottom of your purse and make you wonder just why you blew all that money the second you get your Amex bill. That is of course Tom Ford’s trick, he creates a world of lusty luxury you want to be a part of, and products good enough to almost be worth his price point. If you’re looking for a great show stopper look, you can’t go wrong with Ford’s Smoke Red, but if you’re looking for anything more than that you might as well save your pennies. That said if you want the luxurious feel of Tom Ford on your lips (minus the perma-stubble) you are in for a truly decadent treat; I couldn’t resist picking up a few shades and the long lasting, smooth as silk feel is out of sight.